Christmas is the most exhausting time of year when you work retail. The reason for this? Because it doesn't matter how fast you move, or how many lines are open. There's not enough cashiers to meet the demands of the people, because eventually someone is going to go to break, another is going to lunch, and another is set to go home.
I was leaving for a break yesterday and a woman stopped me and demanded I get onto a register or she was going to tell my manager. I laughed. Probably not the smartest move, but I couldn't help myself.
Don't these people understand that I'm a human being too? That I'm not a robot made to work unending hours at a time, without complaint and without anger? If I had stayed on the register without the option to get something to eat, rest my feet a bit, and make sure my blood sugar was still good (more on that later) I'd most likely have passed out and that would've been just the perfect end to an already horrible day.
The holidays stress me out because on top of Christmas, it's also coming around to my birthday. I'm never a fan of my own birthday. I'll be 22 this year and all my birthday does is remind me that I'm still stuck in Retail hell, that I'm stilling living at home with my parents, and that I'm no closer to making my dreams come true than I was at this time last year. The only bonus I have this time is that I'm not working and I'm going over to the theme parks for my birthday. I'm thrilled about that, I haven't been to IOA since HHN 18, but we did next to nothing.
I'm trying to fight this blue mood that's been hanging over me. But it's becoming somewhat difficult to manage. If it keeps up much longer I will go back and see my doctor. I can't deal with depression on top of the stress at work. It just doesn't go well together. I either want to smoke or drink, and both of those are things I'm trying not to do.
One because smoking is bad for you (but damn it makes things seem less stressful) and two, drinking leads down a long road I'm not willing to walk!
I had some blood work done the other day. Something's off about it so I have to go have more done at the end of Jan. Hopefully it's nothing serious and it's just my body not reacting well to the BC I'm on right now for my genetic problem. (PCOS).
You know that movie, Repo? Sometimes I sing the songs from it and laugh because it is so true. There's nothing I can do to change the way my body ended up, there's no disease I can blame for this, only my own shot genetic code, programed into me from birth.
PCOS: Poly cystic ovarian syndrome, is a disorder that causes cysts on the ovaries, causes missed periods, and generally a lot of stomach and... uh, down there pain. It can also lean to infertility. Basically, without birth control I have maybe four periods a year, I'm in a lot of pain, and, later on, I may not be able to have children.
I always laugh to myself when people complain about their children. Don't they realize how blessed they are to know they have a child, that they don't ever have to worry about there coming a day when they finally sit down and admit to themselves that they will never hold a child in their arms that shares the same blood as them? I've accepted that I probably can't have children. I won't know for certain until I'm willing to try... but until then, I'm going to smile and try and be cheerful when I see people take their children for granted.
You're so lucky... why can't you see that!
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