I'm sitting here in boy-short underwear and a white tank... and I feel completely comfortable in my own skin. This time last year I would have been wearing a baggy sweater and sweat-pants; even though I'm completely alone. It's amazing what time does to a person.
The fact is, I've learned that I AM a beautiful person even if I'm not model thin (or am way overweight) I've been asked out at work (sadly I turned him down due to the fact that I don't date co-workers) and my life is okay. It's nowhere near perfect but it's okay and I'm doing alright.
I get down, I get blue but there are times when I'm happy too. I'm okay.
For the first time in my life I can look at myself in the mirror and say "We're okay. Not perfect, but okay." and to everyone who tells me otherwise, who says I'm disgusting and unlovable... FUCK YOU! I've spent too many years believing that crap only to open my eyes and see it isn't so. I can and will be loved. I can make my life into something; the future isn't as bleak as you led me to believe. So in the end, I'm going forward with my life and you'll be stuck feeling like a sad little person.
I never understand why people get off on the hurt of others. But I'm done being hurt.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Exhausted
Well, I had the root canal done and my jaw swelled up to the point I couldn't talk... guess what I did the following day? I called out of work...
Or, in the opinion of my mngt, I ended the entire world and am a huge fuckface (that's how he made me feel on the phone though; after making me repeat myself a thousand times even after I explained it was hard to talk right now) threatened to write me up when I came in for my following shift.
Tonight should be fun, I need to go put in my time off requests. Jesus there are a lot of then. I made an attempt to change me times and got the run around from mngt with my fourm being lost somewhere. So, I'm just going to put the requests in and if Amy (my front end manager <3) asks about it I'll explain what happened with the time change request. I'm not going to keep filling out the damn fourm if the manager I need to sign it is going to lose it or not be there at the same time as myself. It's fucking stupid. I need to time off for doctor/dentist visit because I've been so sick lately (blood sugar issues, on top of my mouth problems) and I'm going out of town for a full weekend! WOOT!
I wish I could add a note to the requests so she would know WHY I need the time off. I feel sort of bad about it though. It's about a full week when it's all stuck together. Doctors apt, baby shower for my sis, vacation with my family, birth of my niece :)
Or, in the opinion of my mngt, I ended the entire world and am a huge fuckface (that's how he made me feel on the phone though; after making me repeat myself a thousand times even after I explained it was hard to talk right now) threatened to write me up when I came in for my following shift.
Tonight should be fun, I need to go put in my time off requests. Jesus there are a lot of then. I made an attempt to change me times and got the run around from mngt with my fourm being lost somewhere. So, I'm just going to put the requests in and if Amy (my front end manager <3) asks about it I'll explain what happened with the time change request. I'm not going to keep filling out the damn fourm if the manager I need to sign it is going to lose it or not be there at the same time as myself. It's fucking stupid. I need to time off for doctor/dentist visit because I've been so sick lately (blood sugar issues, on top of my mouth problems) and I'm going out of town for a full weekend! WOOT!
I wish I could add a note to the requests so she would know WHY I need the time off. I feel sort of bad about it though. It's about a full week when it's all stuck together. Doctors apt, baby shower for my sis, vacation with my family, birth of my niece :)
Monday, July 25, 2011
Stick a fork in me I'm almost done
Well, almost long working section (I can't call it a work week because it gets split up so randomly) has drawn to a close. I have two days off starting tomorrow but I'm not REALLY going to enjoy them. I'm finishing the cleaning in my bedroom tomorrow (watching clothes and hopefully looking into getting a new bookshelf. I have over 200 books when I counted them. They are piled everywhere right now until I get a chance to go through them all!
I got the Nook on my phone. It's alright, I did it because I got so tired of carrying books around in my work bag for nights like tonight where I'm waiting two hours for my ride home (God I need to learn how to drive!)
Anyway, the second day off is not going to be fun because I'm having a root canal and tooth rebuilding (FTW is that anyway) done; and waiting for them to make a crown for my tooth.
The total out of pocket cost is 391 :( FML. Hopefully I only have to pay for some of it this week and the rest when I go in and get the crown put on.
I'm also pissed because I got sick at work the other day and had to leave early. I feel like such a brat when I do that but I could not get my blood sugars to level out and was getting really dizzy. When you're having to haul things across the register, making stupid ass mistakes (I freaking ran a check as cash) and dropping things left and right because your fingers have swollen up and are unable to bend... it's time to go home.
I might stay and work an extra half hour to night (even my shift to eight hours) if they let me; just to make up some of the time difference.
I got the Nook on my phone. It's alright, I did it because I got so tired of carrying books around in my work bag for nights like tonight where I'm waiting two hours for my ride home (God I need to learn how to drive!)
Anyway, the second day off is not going to be fun because I'm having a root canal and tooth rebuilding (FTW is that anyway) done; and waiting for them to make a crown for my tooth.
The total out of pocket cost is 391 :( FML. Hopefully I only have to pay for some of it this week and the rest when I go in and get the crown put on.
I'm also pissed because I got sick at work the other day and had to leave early. I feel like such a brat when I do that but I could not get my blood sugars to level out and was getting really dizzy. When you're having to haul things across the register, making stupid ass mistakes (I freaking ran a check as cash) and dropping things left and right because your fingers have swollen up and are unable to bend... it's time to go home.
I might stay and work an extra half hour to night (even my shift to eight hours) if they let me; just to make up some of the time difference.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
FML
Well, today's apt with the dentist went about as well as I expected give that the last time I went was 3yrs ago and he was an idiot! Well, I need 3 crowns (shoot me, it'll be cheaper to die) and a bunch of fillings. I got myself here; am hoping against hope they'll let me do the payment plans instead of all up front paying. I don't know what I'm going to do... this is just too much right now and all at once too!
Well, on other news. My computer is officially located in my bedroom. The connection isn't great but oh well; it's still okay for internet use and I don't play online games anymore so bleh.
Well, on other news. My computer is officially located in my bedroom. The connection isn't great but oh well; it's still okay for internet use and I don't play online games anymore so bleh.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Wow...
I haven't exactly been active on here in a while; honestly I haven't been active anywhere on the web in the past couple of... days... weeks? I don't even know how long I've been bogged down. I'm trying to write the next chapter in my story only to come up against a brick wall with each idea I try writing.
But what should be a nice change is the fact that my computer will now be in my bedroom; so I cat write when I want to without having to go (get up, start computer, quiet... tap tap on the keys Mom: What are you doing again? Me: attempting smexy scene. DELETE DELETE: Nothing...
Yeah it'll be nice :)
Tomorrow is my day off, but I have a dentist visit for tomorrow.... I haven't been to the dentist in over three years; and the last time I went was to get my wisdom teeth out and two really chipped teeth pulled. I have no illusions about the state of my mouth; it's horrible.
I expect to be shamed tomorrow... last dentist told me that there was no point to treating my teeth because I was only going to continue screwing up. I... yeah, I don't like the dentist at all because of a string of really horrible ones.
Hoping tomorrow goes well, am so tired I am typing the wrong words and with probably continue that theme for the rest of this journal... blog... whatever!
Good... not good night, I have to wait for the stuff in the dryer to finish... it's my bedsheets and blanket.
But what should be a nice change is the fact that my computer will now be in my bedroom; so I cat write when I want to without having to go (get up, start computer, quiet... tap tap on the keys Mom: What are you doing again? Me: attempting smexy scene. DELETE DELETE: Nothing...
Yeah it'll be nice :)
Tomorrow is my day off, but I have a dentist visit for tomorrow.... I haven't been to the dentist in over three years; and the last time I went was to get my wisdom teeth out and two really chipped teeth pulled. I have no illusions about the state of my mouth; it's horrible.
I expect to be shamed tomorrow... last dentist told me that there was no point to treating my teeth because I was only going to continue screwing up. I... yeah, I don't like the dentist at all because of a string of really horrible ones.
Hoping tomorrow goes well, am so tired I am typing the wrong words and with probably continue that theme for the rest of this journal... blog... whatever!
Good... not good night, I have to wait for the stuff in the dryer to finish... it's my bedsheets and blanket.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Worst day ever
I'm sitting here in tears because today was so horrible. It was like every customer was angry and was taking it out on me. Things just kept going wrong, I kept getting yelled at, and it was all for things I had no control over.
Jesus, I have never cried at work before but I did. I burst into tears and my shitty ass manager just left me at the register crying. What a jack ass!
To finish the day... I ordered a tea from a fast food place and got a fucking diet soda... and my dad didn't want to go back to fix it. What ever... I'm so fucking sick of life right now.
Jesus, I have never cried at work before but I did. I burst into tears and my shitty ass manager just left me at the register crying. What a jack ass!
To finish the day... I ordered a tea from a fast food place and got a fucking diet soda... and my dad didn't want to go back to fix it. What ever... I'm so fucking sick of life right now.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
One of those days...
I'm sitting here with 30 minutes to go until I leave for work, and I'm not exactly happy. See, my mother was supposed to have been home at 1, which would have allowed me to keep a cell phone at work. She's working late = no cell phone for me.
I'm about to blow up about this since I'm the one PAYING for the damn phone and I've had it ONE DAY of last week. I'll talk to her about it some time tomorrow, since I'm working until 11:30 tonight, and have to be back in at 10:30
I'm going to change something because I cannot keep pulling shifts like this. I'm 21 yeah, but I'm tired and need sleep too. By the time I get home tonight it'll be almost twelve. I wont unwind until 1, and by the time I get to sleep it'll be going on 2am, that's if I fall asleep nicely. If not I'll not sleep at all and be a zombie the following morning for my freaking second 8 hour shift in a row.
God, I hate this job sometimes. They don't respect the cashiers both the customers and the mngmt.
Sometimes I just want to crawl up underneath a rock and tell them all to go fuck themselves something good.
I'm about to blow up about this since I'm the one PAYING for the damn phone and I've had it ONE DAY of last week. I'll talk to her about it some time tomorrow, since I'm working until 11:30 tonight, and have to be back in at 10:30
I'm going to change something because I cannot keep pulling shifts like this. I'm 21 yeah, but I'm tired and need sleep too. By the time I get home tonight it'll be almost twelve. I wont unwind until 1, and by the time I get to sleep it'll be going on 2am, that's if I fall asleep nicely. If not I'll not sleep at all and be a zombie the following morning for my freaking second 8 hour shift in a row.
God, I hate this job sometimes. They don't respect the cashiers both the customers and the mngmt.
Sometimes I just want to crawl up underneath a rock and tell them all to go fuck themselves something good.
Friday, July 8, 2011
3 days of Pure. Freaking. Hell.
Well, today begins three days of long shifts at work. Today is 6 and a half, tomorrow and the day after are 8 hour shifts :( I freaking HATE these shifts, my feet hurt so bad and I'm so sick of the idiots I'm forced to deal with.
Anyway, last night I about died laughing. My LEAST favorite customer came through when I was covering a break for our door greeter; he looked over, did the double take, frowned, and said something to his wife. I smiled sweetly and completely ignored him until he walked away after standing there for a minute or two.
This is the same guy who called me fat and continues to go through my line if he sees me (Even if there are two lanes with absolutely no one in them).
I didn't have to ring him up last night because of the door breaks; I was happy, life is good!
Today I'm not worried about the shift, it's my second 6 and a half hour shift this week. I just bought my tickets for the Harry Potter Midnight showing (WOOT) and am looking forward to that! I'm listening to the news talk about how the Shuttle is going to be scrubbed. It's too rainy here.
Well, I'm out of things to talk about. I'm attempting to write more of my story but am too tired due to working so much. Ugh, 7 days in a row, Ladies and gents, SEVEN DAYS WITH NO BREAKS. I'm exhausted and my paycheck sucked ass. It makes this job seem not worth it sometimes.
Anyway, last night I about died laughing. My LEAST favorite customer came through when I was covering a break for our door greeter; he looked over, did the double take, frowned, and said something to his wife. I smiled sweetly and completely ignored him until he walked away after standing there for a minute or two.
This is the same guy who called me fat and continues to go through my line if he sees me (Even if there are two lanes with absolutely no one in them).
I didn't have to ring him up last night because of the door breaks; I was happy, life is good!
Today I'm not worried about the shift, it's my second 6 and a half hour shift this week. I just bought my tickets for the Harry Potter Midnight showing (WOOT) and am looking forward to that! I'm listening to the news talk about how the Shuttle is going to be scrubbed. It's too rainy here.
Well, I'm out of things to talk about. I'm attempting to write more of my story but am too tired due to working so much. Ugh, 7 days in a row, Ladies and gents, SEVEN DAYS WITH NO BREAKS. I'm exhausted and my paycheck sucked ass. It makes this job seem not worth it sometimes.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Fail... but honestly...
The jury did about as well as can be expected. That is all I wanted to say... I'm tired.. work tomorrow... somebody shoot me please?
Monday, July 4, 2011
Happy 4th!
I decided to cheer myself up today (long depressing story about being ditched by my sisters) by telling you all some of my funny and favorite customer stories. Some are about rotten customers and some are just funny fails by myself and co-workers (along with customers too!)
--
I had only been working at the store for a couple months when my manager called me off the register with fifteen minutes left in my shift. She asked if I would help her and my other manager collect the cash tills from the closed registers. I agreed and was told to push the cart (DON'T LET GO. TWO HANDS ALWAYS!!!) and sign into the registers when told to.
Well, we reached the other end of the store where the express-lanes are. My manager looks over and calls out to a customer that this side of the store is closed and he'll have to go down to 18 to check out.
My male Manager is standing beside me and looks over with a big grin.
Manager: We get creeps like that all the time, don't worry.
Me: *looking past him at the customer* Uh... that's actually my dad, he's waiting to drive me home ~_^
Manager: O_O... Oh, ummm, sorry?
--
It's the day before Christmas Eve and I'm on an Express-Lane about to close down (we close those registers at 9 O'clock) My final customer is a woman buying a bike and a jug of milk. I'm still new (less than one month) and I try to explain out replacement plan to her. She agrees and I ring it up onto her total. She flips out.
Customer: What the FUCK that's way more than it should be!
Me: Ummm. the plan was 20 dollars ma'am.
Customer: I'm not stupid but it should only be 218
Me: That's without tax ma'am.
Customer: Bull shit, I want to talk to your manager!
I call the manager over and after much bickering we take the replacement plan off and I ring up the bike and milk while my manager is standing there watching.
Customer: THAT'S STILL TOO MUCH GODDAMN MONEY!
Manager: The tax, ma'am.
Woman: You're charging me 8 dollars for milk?
Me: No, there's tax on the bike, ma'am.
Customer: RING THE BIKE UP ALONE!
I take the milk off.
Customer: Damn it, you're still charging me too much
At this point my manager is losing his cool.
Manager: Ma'am, there is TAX on the bike, the TAX is EIGHT DOLLARS!
The woman paid for everything and left screaming that we charged her eight dollars for milk... My manager actually gave me a hug and told me I did great :D
--
This happened yesterday and made my day so much brighter; I was dying with laughter after he left my register.
Man comes up buying milk, eggs, duck-tape and little notebooks.
Man: How are you today, missy?
Me: I'm good *ringing up his items* did you find everything alright?
Man: *leans closer, faint smell of beer* Did you know we're in the twilight zone?
Me: *pauses in scanning* Uh... *laughs* No, I didn't know that :p
Man: Yeah, they don't WANT us to know it either, it's like the matrix but only the twilight zone!
Me: Nice.... you're total...
The man slides his debit card but gets a very typical error that our store's debit does. I offer to slide the card on my side since it normally fixes the problem.
Man: No! You can't! That's how they FIND YOU!
Me: Okay, calm down! *laughing and shaking my head* Slide it again and we'll see if it works.
Man: *slides card* Oh, there we go! *enters pin and completes his order* Thank you so much, beautiful!
Me: You're welcome, have a happy 4th!
Man: *reaches out and grabs my hand* Stay safe, now that you've talked to me they'll come looking for you *Dead serious face* They'll reprogram you!
Me: That... wouldn't be good, I'll be careful!
After the man leaves my co-worker comes up beside me.
Co-worker: Did that really just happen?
Me: Welcome to walmart! :)
--
This story was told by my co-worker, I adore this girl and trust that it really happened.
She was still new to the job, hired during the Christmas rush. They had her as a door greeter out in garden center when a couple came through.
Co-worker: Have a nice day!
Man turns and does the train eyes. He turns and whispers to his girl-friend who does the train eyes
Co-worker: O_o
Man walks over to her: Hi, how are you?
Co-worker: Good...
Man: Listen, I don't know if you'd be interested but... if you're ever curious to explore new areas of sexuality, my partner and I would be VERY interested in having you come play with us.
The woman reaches out and touches Co-worker's hand: Very interested
Co-worker: O_O *to passing male employee* H-help?
--
And at the top of the list!
I'm working the smoke house (only lane that sells smokes) when a Spanish man and his sister come through buying a couple things. I ring them up and they stand there talking with me as I'm finishing the order. The man decides he wants smokes after all and asks for the same type my mom used to smoke, I go and get them and ringing them up.
The man is shocked I knew the brand since most people don't care for them. He looks me up and down with a big grin on his face (Note that at this point there is a small line)
Man: Have any kids?
Me: Nope, just nieces and nephews!
Man: Married?
Me: Not yet, no.
Man: Do you wanna be?
Me: O_O Uh... *laughs* what?
Man's sister: ~_~ *grabs his arm* I'm so sorry! *Pulls him away* I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT!
Next customer: Uh, well, I guess it's true.
Me: What?
Customer: You CAN get anything at Walmart!
--
I had only been working at the store for a couple months when my manager called me off the register with fifteen minutes left in my shift. She asked if I would help her and my other manager collect the cash tills from the closed registers. I agreed and was told to push the cart (DON'T LET GO. TWO HANDS ALWAYS!!!) and sign into the registers when told to.
Well, we reached the other end of the store where the express-lanes are. My manager looks over and calls out to a customer that this side of the store is closed and he'll have to go down to 18 to check out.
My male Manager is standing beside me and looks over with a big grin.
Manager: We get creeps like that all the time, don't worry.
Me: *looking past him at the customer* Uh... that's actually my dad, he's waiting to drive me home ~_^
Manager: O_O... Oh, ummm, sorry?
--
It's the day before Christmas Eve and I'm on an Express-Lane about to close down (we close those registers at 9 O'clock) My final customer is a woman buying a bike and a jug of milk. I'm still new (less than one month) and I try to explain out replacement plan to her. She agrees and I ring it up onto her total. She flips out.
Customer: What the FUCK that's way more than it should be!
Me: Ummm. the plan was 20 dollars ma'am.
Customer: I'm not stupid but it should only be 218
Me: That's without tax ma'am.
Customer: Bull shit, I want to talk to your manager!
I call the manager over and after much bickering we take the replacement plan off and I ring up the bike and milk while my manager is standing there watching.
Customer: THAT'S STILL TOO MUCH GODDAMN MONEY!
Manager: The tax, ma'am.
Woman: You're charging me 8 dollars for milk?
Me: No, there's tax on the bike, ma'am.
Customer: RING THE BIKE UP ALONE!
I take the milk off.
Customer: Damn it, you're still charging me too much
At this point my manager is losing his cool.
Manager: Ma'am, there is TAX on the bike, the TAX is EIGHT DOLLARS!
The woman paid for everything and left screaming that we charged her eight dollars for milk... My manager actually gave me a hug and told me I did great :D
--
This happened yesterday and made my day so much brighter; I was dying with laughter after he left my register.
Man comes up buying milk, eggs, duck-tape and little notebooks.
Man: How are you today, missy?
Me: I'm good *ringing up his items* did you find everything alright?
Man: *leans closer, faint smell of beer* Did you know we're in the twilight zone?
Me: *pauses in scanning* Uh... *laughs* No, I didn't know that :p
Man: Yeah, they don't WANT us to know it either, it's like the matrix but only the twilight zone!
Me: Nice.... you're total...
The man slides his debit card but gets a very typical error that our store's debit does. I offer to slide the card on my side since it normally fixes the problem.
Man: No! You can't! That's how they FIND YOU!
Me: Okay, calm down! *laughing and shaking my head* Slide it again and we'll see if it works.
Man: *slides card* Oh, there we go! *enters pin and completes his order* Thank you so much, beautiful!
Me: You're welcome, have a happy 4th!
Man: *reaches out and grabs my hand* Stay safe, now that you've talked to me they'll come looking for you *Dead serious face* They'll reprogram you!
Me: That... wouldn't be good, I'll be careful!
After the man leaves my co-worker comes up beside me.
Co-worker: Did that really just happen?
Me: Welcome to walmart! :)
--
This story was told by my co-worker, I adore this girl and trust that it really happened.
She was still new to the job, hired during the Christmas rush. They had her as a door greeter out in garden center when a couple came through.
Co-worker: Have a nice day!
Man turns and does the train eyes. He turns and whispers to his girl-friend who does the train eyes
Co-worker: O_o
Man walks over to her: Hi, how are you?
Co-worker: Good...
Man: Listen, I don't know if you'd be interested but... if you're ever curious to explore new areas of sexuality, my partner and I would be VERY interested in having you come play with us.
The woman reaches out and touches Co-worker's hand: Very interested
Co-worker: O_O *to passing male employee* H-help?
--
And at the top of the list!
I'm working the smoke house (only lane that sells smokes) when a Spanish man and his sister come through buying a couple things. I ring them up and they stand there talking with me as I'm finishing the order. The man decides he wants smokes after all and asks for the same type my mom used to smoke, I go and get them and ringing them up.
The man is shocked I knew the brand since most people don't care for them. He looks me up and down with a big grin on his face (Note that at this point there is a small line)
Man: Have any kids?
Me: Nope, just nieces and nephews!
Man: Married?
Me: Not yet, no.
Man: Do you wanna be?
Me: O_O Uh... *laughs* what?
Man's sister: ~_~ *grabs his arm* I'm so sorry! *Pulls him away* I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT!
Next customer: Uh, well, I guess it's true.
Me: What?
Customer: You CAN get anything at Walmart!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Hanging on by a thread
I decided not to give two weeks notice just yet. I'm applying like crazy (need to go grab an application from the movie theater), but taking a break tonight because it's a long shift at work. I have two days off tomorrow in-which I'm going to apply at a couple more local stores.
It may sound crazy to most people; but I don't mind the cashier work, I just hate the store I work for. I don't like the company, I don't like any of it right now. It's all too much corp bullshit for my taste.
The guy who called me fat the other night? He came back last night, I think he's stalking me now as he jumped straight into my line when he saw me... dude, really? You're like 50... leave a 21 year old woman alone ;( grrrrr
It may sound crazy to most people; but I don't mind the cashier work, I just hate the store I work for. I don't like the company, I don't like any of it right now. It's all too much corp bullshit for my taste.
The guy who called me fat the other night? He came back last night, I think he's stalking me now as he jumped straight into my line when he saw me... dude, really? You're like 50... leave a 21 year old woman alone ;( grrrrr
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Thinking of leaving
I'll give it tonight to see if I'm going to stay at this job. I've been driven about as far up a tree as I can go; and nothing seems to be changing. At least if I leave on good terms I can be rehired, so I guess if I still have issues tonight I'll be giving 2 weeks notice tomorrow.
Part of me is scared but another part just wants this bull shit to end. I'm fine with job hunting again for a better fit; I just don't think I can continue to work for walmart when the customers and mngt treat their employees like shit.
Well, we'll see how tonight goes whether I'm leaving tomorrow or not.
Part of me is scared but another part just wants this bull shit to end. I'm fine with job hunting again for a better fit; I just don't think I can continue to work for walmart when the customers and mngt treat their employees like shit.
Well, we'll see how tonight goes whether I'm leaving tomorrow or not.
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