Venting

I need to vent really bad right now so I'm going to say sorry in advance for the emo-fest you are about to read!

I don't understand why people think they can walk all over me! I loaned my sister 50 dollars for her tattoo (two weeks ago) with the promise that it would be repaid by the following Tuesday. She finally got her paycheck and is now giving me a bunch of bullcrap about not being able to pay me back right now because of bills.
HELLO! Why the fuck did she get a tattoo if she knew she would be unable to pay me back????

God damn me to hell for being a cold hearted bitch but I have to eat too! I paid for my own tattoo out of my own money, and damn me again for it (since I am not happy with the final results) but I don't have kids to worry about, I don't have a family relying on me for ends meet. I am me, myself, and I, and I am quite happy for it to remain this way for a very long time.

While I do one day want to be a mother, if I'm blessed enough for that to happen, I have no desire once so ever to be a young mother. I'm smart enough to know that at 21 years old I am too young, too self-centered, to ever make the right choices for a child. Hell, half the time I make the wrong choices for myself!

I'm trying to find the good in my life but it seems to have gone out the window once more. I'm sad tonight and I have absolutely no one to talk to about it. It seems like the moment I admit to being down and out people think I'm vying for attention or am being suicidal again. (Yes, again).
I'm not. I'm just freaking sad. THERE IS NO REASON I CANNOT BE SAD FOR FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES! I'm tired, just so freaking tired. I want to crawl into a little cave in the middle of nowhere for a year or two and get my head screwed back on straight.

With work and everything else going on in my life I feel like I'm in a room with the sides closing in on me. I need to breathe. I need five minutes of clean air to feel like myself again. But I can have that with the holidays. I can't have that when people are constantly poking and picking at me. I can't have that when my freaking tattoo looks like shit right now and I want to cut the sucker off my arm every time I look at the damn thing (I know it's not that bad, it's still healing and I might like it better when it's finished) but it doesn't change how it looks right now and how much crap I'm getting from people at work.
Excuse me while I go write or rather, re-write, my story. I need a break from normal people. I prefer my guys and girls to the people I live with. At least they get me :D